A New Look

The title of this post has a double meaning. One is fairly obvious and easy to explain. The other is deeper and requires a confession. One that was hard to admit. Buckle your seat belts. This ride might be bumpy. But I promise we'll end smoothly and with a lot of smiles.

First, there's the obvious reference to 'a new look'. Well, obvious if you are viewing this post as it's meant to be seen. Online. At http://taylorcharlie.blogspot.com I've made quite a few changes. I've been tinkering with the layout, learning how to post larger photos and I even added a header. If you can see that, you'll see that I changed the title to my blog as well. You are now reading On The Sunny Side With The Williams Family. This brings me to the next meaning of this new look. Or should I say, new outlook.

I try to be a positive person. I want to be a positive person. I want to embrace all the special little moments that add up to something big. I want to be happy with what I have and waste not a nanosecond worrying about what I don't have. But here's the thing that donned on me today. -I am not a positive person. At least I have not been for a while. I've been consumed with thoughts of how hard, how unappreciated, how draining my job as a stay-at-home mom is. Even writing that makes me feel horrible, because I know how blessed I am to be able to stay home with my babies and be the one who raises them.

I truly am grateful. And not just for that. I know that I have so many blessings. My children get to grow up having close interactions with all of their grandparents. I have a sister mere minutes away with whom I get to share my child-raising journey. I have friends who've known me for a lifetime already. I am healthy. My children are healthy. I have so much to be grateful for.

And honestly, I do not take any of it for granted. But that doesn't mean I'm content. It doesn't mean that I'm happy. [Big breath] No, for quite some time now I've felt stressed, overwhelmed and generally tired. I can't tell you how many times I've thought about how unfair it is that Mark gets a weekend from his job and I don't. My job is 24 hours a day, seven days a week. My job is emotionally, physically, and intellectually draining. My job requires every ounce of my energy. My job is never ending. As long as we are eating and getting dressed everyday, there are dishes and laundry beckoning me. My assistance is needed for every aspect of Morgan's day.

My job is hard. And yet, my job is a privilege.

So that's it. My big confession. I am not who I want to be. I want to be the one who is content sitting at the table with my son during lunchtime and not annoyed that he's taking so long to finish and begin his rest time. I want to be the person who smiles at Morgan's attempts to put on her own shoes and not get flustered at the thought of being late. I want to live purposefully. I want to live in the moment and enjoy playing with my children without letting my thoughts linger on all the tasks that need to be done. I want to let go of my notions of what is fair in regards to a mother's versus a father's roles and responsibilities. I want to be content with my life exactly the way it is. Because it is beautiful.

So my first step towards living on the sunny side is this: instead of getting upset or saddened by this realization that I am not the optimist I want to be, I am invigorated. I know that it's only by acknowledging and accepting who I am that I will be able to make steps towards evolving into the person I want to be. The person I believe I once was.

I believe this blog will help me take the steps towards a sunnier existence. Because it is a choice. Everyday we can choose how we perceive our circumstances. We choose how we let things affect us. We choose what we invest our energy into. And I choose this:

And this:

And this:

So that's what I will write about. That's what I will photograph. That's what I will focus on. And that's how I will change.

One more thing. After all that rambling about letting people 'opt out' from my emails, I'm doing it for you. I just feel so strange writing such personal things and then dropping them off in your inboxes. I'd rather let you check the blog when you want to, when you feel like checking in on this crazy family. I did take the password protection off the site so it's super easy to view. Just bookmark The Sunny Side with The Williams Family and check it whenever you are in the mood. I'll be here posting at least once a week. Julie, I will keep you on the email list since you can't access this website where you are in Chile. Everyone else, you are on your own. Please do check back though. We're gonna have fun. And now here are those smiles I promised you.