Charlie's Preschool Graduation

I've got a big ol' post with lots of May photos brewing but for now enjoy this video from Charlie's graduation last night.  After spending three years at this school, it was finally time for him to graduate.  Kindergarten here we come!

Missing Melanie

I don't know how to start this post.  I only know that I need to write it.  As I've mentioned already, Heaven gained a beautiful soul last week, and it just feels wrong to let that happen without telling everyone what a beautiful soul we've lost.  So for any of those unfortunate enough not to meet her, and for all those who had the honor of knowing her, let's pause and remember Melanie Star.



I met Meanie in high school when I was 15 years old.


We met after Melanie had struck up a friendship with my dear friend, Maggie.  Their friendship quickly grew into a very strong bond for which I will forever be grateful.  I do not want to write about Melanie's life before I met her or before Maggie entered her life, but I know that it was not easy.  Maggie came along to give her unconditional love, loyalty, and support at a time when she really needed it.



In the twenty years that I knew Melanie we grew from teenagers, to women, to mothers.  And not necessarily in that order.




Our web of friends grew into a beautiful group of kind, compassionate, people.




Our lives took us in many different directions, but we always supported, encouraged and celebrated one another.


Melanie will forever be one of the most special people I've ever known.  As I reflect back on the many years I've known her, I realize that she has never changed.  She has always been a beautiful person, both inside and out.


She's been a wonderful sister, and a supportive friend.  Melanie has always had a positive outlook on life and an amazing capacity for forgiveness.  Melanie has always rejoiced in other's successes and shown true selflessness time and time again.  This is why I think she was born to be a mother.











In fact, Melanie always seemed happiest with a baby in her arms.






As I've mentioned, Melanie did not have an easy life.  She had many, many health issues before her diagnosis of kidney cancer in 2009.  But when told she had about one year to live, none of us wanted to believe it.  In fact, I prayed hard for a miracle believing that if anyone deserved one it was Melanie.  Then things seemed to go from bad to worse when her husband abandoned her in this great time of need.  I couldn't believe that such horrible things could happen to such a beautiful, sincere person.


However, these difficult times only served to prove what an amazing person Melanie was.  She fought her cancer with grace and continued creating beautiful memories for her daughters.  Somehow she made peace with God and even told me that she had never been happier in her life.  And God finally blessed her with a deserving partner, Marc.


When I visited Melanie the week before Easter, I finally saw how weak she'd become.  How thin and frail she looked.  After that visit, my denial of her illness dissolved and my incredible sadness at the thought of losing her enveloped me.

I was angry at God for dealing such a hard hand to such an undeserving soul.  I felt helpless without any way to comfort Mel. I was mad at myself for not spending more time with Melanie and I was so confused as to why God would let this happen.  I was in a bad place.

I kept visiting Melanie, and found comfort being with others who loved her.  I sang to her.  She even sang with me a few times.  What amazed me most about those visits was that despite how weak she was, Melanie's beautiful, happy personality shown through.

On Monday, April 22nd, I visited Melanie for what I assumed would be the last time.  We had been told several days before that it could be any time.  She had not been conscious for a few days and had stopped eating.  I said everything I wanted her to hear including goodbye.  I did not plan on returning.

I went home and cried.  I went to bed asking God why? I woke up with an answer.  I've debated sharing this, but I feel like I need to.  I believe God speaks to us in different ways and this is how he spoke to me.

Before even getting out of bed, I read this on my aunt Mary's facebook page:
"I woke up this morning with this favorite scripture on my mind. It's helped me through difficult times.....times we face as individuals, families, and as a nation. All of Psalm 27 applies as it speaks to trusting God, but verses 13 and 14 say, "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord, in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage. Yes, wait for the Lord."........ When we wait, with our eyes open, and believe, we will see God's goodness in our lives.


I closed my eyes and told God I'd try to wait, but please help me to see why such a horrible thing was happening.  Then I stumbled upon this story, also on Facebook.  It was about a man whose son was strangled by his umbilical cord as a baby.  They were told he'd never do anything.  They were wrong.  The boy's body was very disabled but his mind was not.  Eventually he got a communication device and began communicating.  The story unfolded in beautiful ways and the boy eventually inspired his father to run marathons while pushing his son.  This unlikely team went on to inspire hundreds, even thousands of people.  They even received an email about how their story prevented a woman from killing herself.  I was touched by the beauty and hope in this story but did not make the connection yet.

I started doing some morning dishes when I suddenly asked myself 'what if he hadn't been strangled by his umbilical cord?'  I realized that that simple act that was so horrible at the time led to all the amazing things I had just seen.  Perhaps nothing else in the world would have stopped the woman from killing herself, and who knows what else she has gone on to do.  All because this tiny baby had been strangled at birth.  There was no way for them to see how that would lead to good things, but it did.  Because God is good.  All the time.  I closed my eyes and told God that I trusted Him.

So I did not get a specific answer that morning, but I did receive confirmation that there was an answer.  Somehow, God will do great things from this passing.  Melanie's life was short, but it had a purpose. And so did her death.



Also during this time my sister, Julie, moved back to Cincinnati.  She arrived Wednesday night and encouraged me to return to Melanie the following morning.

Melanie passed away Thursday, April 25th.  The details of her passing are personal, but I will share that I was there holding her hand and singing Amazing Grace when she finally let go.  It was peaceful. It was intense.  It was heartbreaking.

Less than an hour after her passing, I stepped outside and took this photograph in her front yard.  I can't tell you how much I see Melanie in this image, right down to the starburst sun.  To me this image provides peace and hope and proof that Melanie is still shining, still touching us with her love.


Last weekend we had Melanie's funeral and celebrated the life of an amazingly beautiful woman.



As I think back, something Marc said at her funeral struck me.  Maybe she did beat cancer because she was able to live almost three more years than they told her she would.  And that selfish husband who abandoned her in her time of need?  Well, that ended up being a huge blessing, because it led her to Marc, someone who loved her, supported her, and stood by her side until the very end.  And whenever I feel angry about the hardships Melanie faced, especially at a young age, I find comfort in the fact that God placed Maggie in her life when she most needed her.

I will miss Melanie every day of my life.  I will never, ever forget her.  As I continue to grieve her loss, I also find comfort in the fact that her suffering has finally ended.  And I consider myself extremely lucky to have known her and to have loved her.

Life this week.

I'm really not sure where to begin this post.  I still have a post brewing that I'd like to write about my dear friend, Melanie Star.  She left us one week ago today and it seems so surreal to think that I've lived an entire week without her.  I want to write when I can do her justice, and I do not feel like that is now.  Instead, I am going to share the photos that I've taken in the past week.  Photos which I love.  Photos which remind me of the sweetness of life and the goodness of God.





Julie moved back home and not a moment too soon.  I will write more about it later, but her visit was very providential.




A new season of planting has begun.


















Other signs of spring have brought me peace and hope as well.




Mark and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary.  We started a tradition last year of celebrating on our anniversary as a family. This year we took the kids to a hibachi grill.








It's never to0 early to teach your child to use chopsticks!




Morgan was not very fond of the big fire in the beginning.  Nor did she like having food flung at her mouth.  She was a trooper, though.


We continued the celebration with some frozen yogurt (or as Mark calls it "fro yo").






This photo is deceiving.  She was in a great mood the whole evening.






I told Morgan that her Grandpa was taking her to a park this week, and she wanted to wait for him outside.  When he arrived, she was ready to go.  Wouldn't even let him come inside.







Today Charlie had a field trip to Sharon Woods.  He had been asking me if he could wear his hair like antenna, and asked if today could be the day.  I figured, why not?


His class is tiny so we joined with another PreK class.


First they played in the indoor playground.  Within five minutes of running around Charlie had a new battle wound.  I told him that he must have fallen directly on his ear as it was the only mark on him and turned purple immediately.


He was a trooper and was soon ready to begin his indoor scavenger hunt.




Followed by an outdoor scavenger hunt.


Oh, how I love the feel of a small hand in mine...




Charlie got to see tadpoles in a pond.


After his field trip, Charlie went back to school for Tae Kwon Do.  I stuck around to watch.







He wanted to be sure that I captured his 'karate face'.












So as you can see, we keep trucking along.  It hasn't been easy.  Thankfully, God blessed me with a small army of people that love me and people that need me.  Still, any prayers you can spare for my broken heart or for the two sweet girls who have lived the last week without their mamma would be greatly appreciated.